A number of women have deep seated negative self beliefs that seem to block them from healthy love: “I am too old to find love, I am too unattractive to find love, All the good men are taken, All men want is sex etc.”
Why do we hold such negative beliefs about love? We have learned that love is a “fairy tale”. Watching all the princesses get swept off their feet by their prince charming- knight in shining armor- teaches little girls what to expect and what love should “look like”. So, when reality kicks in and young girls start dating (often immature boys), they may get their heart broken. This disappointment turns into resentment which form lasting negative beliefs- which then create that reality.
So how do we conquer these negative beliefs to open ourselves up to real love? First step- is recognizing your resentments, beliefs, feelings, doubts and disappointments. Do you have a group of girlfriends who you love to complain to and foster these negative beliefs about love, boys and end up feeling less deserving or less hopeful about ever finding something different? Talking about all the negative experiences may feel “healing” and relieving in the moment, but in the end it only results in feeling jaded and bitter. And the more jaded and bitter you feel, the more closed off you become, therefore- your reality mirrors your feelings. Start to notice every time you want to complain or say something negative about yourself, a situation, a partner, or past event that resulted in heartache. Maybe, you can then start to slow this process down enough to recognize these thoughts and make a choice in the moment to spend your energy elsewhere. This allow you to create acceptance. Accepting that people and love are imperfect. It can hurt, sting, and be the best thing all at the same time. This doesn’t make it ok that you’ve been hurt, but it does make it ok and worth it to put yourself out there to try again. If you haven’t or can’t experience the lows, how can you experience the highs? You can choose to sit and watch people ride the rollercoaster, or you can jump on knowing at times it’s scary but also that adrenaline rush is totally worth it.
The key is acknowledging and accepting that you have fears, hurts, disappointments- due to some painful experiences- and you can either choose to let these become your reality and hold you back, or you can choose to act according to what really matters to you and allow yourself to be open and vulnerable even though you have these thoughts, beliefs and fears. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Your set back could be a set up for something amazing. Your beliefs and thoughts do not need to create your reality, each moment you are presented with a choice to do something different.